she plays the piano while i blog about music. she doesn't know it

we all like music.
it's fun to dance to
it's catchy
it's relatable
we like the artist/band
it's enjoyable

i wasn't huge into pop but there were some songs i enjoyed. i was mostly into rock bands/songs. i listened to these songs/bands all before i became a Christian.

Now i struggle a little bit with letting go of my bands because they aren't good for my ear.

i'm one of the leaders for a girls group that i help out with. we just started a session about media and what God says about it and what the world says.

i've been pretty good so far. i mean, i do struggle but its not a huge struggle. the big struggle that is fading away now is the music i used to go out dancing to and singing along to. i used to go out dancing at a bar with a few gals and it was all pop, country, and a bunch of music to dance dirty to. yup, i was one of the ladies out there showing off my moves.

i don't get as tempted that much to want to go out dancing to show off so that's great!

what i am struggling with though are the lyrics, how a singer sings a certain line or two, and the music that goes with it.

I have to say first is that since I've been a Christian and listening to Christian songs i feel so much better about it and with myself. i'm left wanting more of God and wanting to praise Him.

going through hit songs i find myself struggling with keeping my mind guarded and not let myself sing along or let my emotions out of control. you see, i'm a lyric and music kind a gal. if its relatable i enjoy it even more. if the music can stir my emotions then its even better. but not so much.

i just listened to "we found love" by rihanna and i must admit that i like the music and how she sings her lyrics. what i don't like are the lyrics. i also watched the music video and all around it left me feeling empty and wanting to look for "love in a hopeless place" i'm a pretty broken person to begin with and i used to try to find my self-worth in music, dancing(showing off w/guys), guys, and how i dressed. part of my old self was starting to come out in thought and emotion. i had to fight that off because that's not what i really want. in the video rihanna and her bf live together, go out partying, stealing, smoking together, get into a fight, have sex, joke around, etc and part of me wanted that(minus the stealing, smoking, and fights). part of me felt lost and longing for a relationship and have sex. it's terrible that part of me gets affected like that after a song. am i the only one or doesn't anyone else take notice of their feelings and thoughts after listening to a song? it's easy for me to be influenced by music. it doesn't even have to be about a relationship, it can be about partying and having fun. "Last Friday Night" by katy perry was one of them as well. only a slight part of me wanted to go out dancing but as i watched the music video i noticed that i felt slightly disgusted about it all. a guy looking at the hot girl and chasing after her and katy in bed with some guy. no thank you.

i'm glad to say that i notice how i'm left feeling at the end of songs because it makes me not want to listen to music with terrible messages saying its ok to sleep around, sleep with your bf, partying is ok, drinking underage is ok, and everything else that God didn't intend to happen.

i wonder if people sometimes do things based off the feelings and type of high they get from listening to a song or if it may be just me. i also wonder if they even realize all the bad messages going into their minds. they say it's ok, they say to do what you want and so i will.

it's too bad that serious, precious things are taken so lightly.
i just pray that i'll be able to guard my mind better and that as we go through this series on media the girls will become convicted and let go of these bad messages. its hard when almost everyone is saying "go for it, who cares" and you're young and around other peers who agree and you're trying to not think like that...

Still learning, always will

I learned that i'm still pretty depressed. I'm working on my way to happiness. Is there true happiness? If so i will rephrase my last sentence. I'm working on my way to true happiness. I have my set backs but I am working on it. Working on letting myself feel every emotion that awakens inside me.

I learned that our two main emotions are fear and love. When you get scared sometimes you get angry because all of those thoughts that could happen or did happen enter your mind and it is fear that you may lose something or someone. I'm letting myself feel these.

I learn that I edit myself. You edit yourself. With the way we dress, our hair, make-up, through texts, staying silent in conversation. I want you to see me the way I want to be seen. I want to look as close to flawless as possible. I want to erase any text that makes me sound ditzy or stupid. We all edit ourselves. I don't want to be edited anymore. Make-up, sure i like it. It enhances my beauty. But don't you think that I'm still beautiful without the make-up too? Even with a couple pimples on my face? We all get them. They go away. It's nice to look our best but are we really dressing to impress or for ourselves? Or to try and control what people think of our style. We all want to look good. We get things for attention without really realizing it. We want the attention to be noticed. That what we have as items is pretty or valuable. We want to be looked at and hope that when they do view us, we are attractive to them or look smart or whatever it may be.

In this world image is pretty much everything. You want to look like you're professional if its a high paying job. But if we all dressed casually or in sweat pants then there wouldn't be any need to go out and buy.

Style is nice. It's fun to look stylish but why? Once again, to be viewed as stylish or be envied or whatever.

I learned that we should take risks. In every positive situation. Even if it may not turn out right. And I don't mean take risks by stealing anything. I mean to take risks and go talk to someone you don't know. If you like your friend as more than a friend, get that out there. If it doens't work out, well, you make situations awkward if you can't get over it and you let yourselves be stuck on that one awkard situation. Move on from that and continue your friendship and just accept that your friend likes you.

I learned (re-experienced) that people will always have something to say about another person. Opinion, gossip, call it what you will, it will be there. If your friend is talking to you about another person, more than likely your friend talks about you too. Jealousy, anger, insecurity etc, should be worked out on a personal level. I think that we all should take time to really learn about ourselves. Why do we talk about eachother? Why are we jealous and what made us so insecure?

I learned that the who live with us are more than pets, they're companions. They really do alter my mood. They brighton up my day whenever I go back home. Every animal has a distinct characteristic about themselves. Even the ones of the same species. They're individuals.

I learned that I'm still confused about the path I've already headed down on. I like what I'm doing. I'm happy with it, but i think we all should have a back up plan.

I want to be happy. Limit everything i have and just be like the descriptions of toaism.
I want to see your side of things. See what you see. I want you to see what I see. Understand where I'm coming from.

I do this because i want to hopefully change the way a person views life. Be a change for someone i don't know. But I also want to feel accepted. I want to feel accepted because, like i said; it comes down to the two main emotions, i want to feel loved. We all want to feel loved.

It may sound selfish, but it's not.

I learned that we do have to be selfish in order to be healthy. Selfish as in caring for our emotions and making sure that we don't fall into deep depression.

I learned something about myself today, career-wise that is, I want to be happy, be free from items, feel free in general. I want to be in shape and be physically healthy because by being physically healthy it helps boost your mood and that helps with depression. I want to go to school to become a workout trainer and still model whenever. I feel set on this.

Part of it is the payment. I want to be stable enought to get by and have a little extra cash for a holiday to go on once a year or so. I don't need to make tons of money to feel secure. I don't want to become what you mostly see with those who make alot. You see them working constantly and sometimes they become materialistic or anything else. Not everyone is like that. I can honestly say that if I ever made tons of money, i could become that and I don't want to be that. I like having to be careful with what i have. If i have too much, I'd spend it. Most of it. I need to learn how to not spend. But I spend because i want what i can't have. and even if i get what i couldn't have before, from saving, i learn that i'm still not happy.

I am jealous. i do envy. i am insecure.
i'm learning to work on those.

I learned that to be a friend you must say how you feel even if it hurts.
I have a few things that I haven't said yet and would like to say. when the time is right. maybe thats now. but who knows, i'm still learning.

I learned that i'm always going to keep on learning and i like that.
I like learning.
I like discovering.
I like being.