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Monday 23 April 2012

reflections from a mirror pointing at my life while listening to "Dance, Dance" in the background

i've heard late last year that a marriage is supposed to be a reflection of our relationship with God. or something similar to it. God and us, He rules and we must submit and obey. as i've been going to bible studies and learning more about our relationship with God and how it reflects our relationships here on earth, i have come to many thoughts in this journey. well i didn't grow up Christian and i didn't have a dad who was strong in his faith. at an earlier time in my life he didn't have any faith in God. there was so much that i missed out on and the things that i've done as i got older may have been from the lack of fatherhood in my life. in the last7-8 years my dad has come back to God. not in the way that you'd think. he has realized his faults in life and, well, he prays the rosary everyday to mary, goes to church on saturdays, and listens to priest on the radio. so, i'd say him then and him now are slightly different. we're closer now, though. so i wonder if that'll still reflect who i marry when i get older assuming i do get married. i've also had dancing on my mind for the last week or so. this will tie in, just wait. wait as in keep reading and find out heh after a night of trying to learn how to swing dance and a conversation with a pastor, i got to thinking, "will i ever be able to submit to my husband?" when it comes to swing dancing the guy leads .........actually, the guys are always supposed to lead in dance, and the women are supposed to follow. i kind of see it as us letting God show us as we submit and follow. just like a husband and wife, they lead, we follow. when i used to go out dancing(before i became a christian) i would lead the dances. now, we didn't have any steps to follow or rules, just our choices. sometimes i'd let a guy lead me but when he only wanted to be body-tight with me i'd free myself and then take the leadership role. now that night when i tried to learn how to swing dance and follow my dance partner, i kind of got the hang of it. i did mess up a few times. thinking back on it i can see how relationships with God and our husbands/wives fits into this. i now wonder, is my dancing a future reflection of my marriage? it's certainly a reflection of my relationship with God. will i be able to learn how to let go, relax, and trust that i'll learn how to follow with the right person? i'm now also thinking even the dancers who were amazing had a few bumps in their steps but they kept going and made it work. I've also grown up seeing my parents as husband and wife and for a child growing up, you wouldn't have gotten a clear picture of what marriage is supposed to look like. my mother submitted and followed for the most part. she was also abused so i think in that situation many women would submit. they're scared. now will i be like that? will i be a reflection of my mother or Jesus? i also thought about Jesus and how He submitted to God as well. i hope that i will be more submissive like that than to take my own steps and decide to lead. the dancing will unfold!

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