a blanket as a skirt and a shawl around my arms

"I'm lonely. Please pet me, hold me.
I'm crying out. Why do they not hear me?
When I get higher for them to notice me all I hear is my name and a no.
I jump down and talk some more.
Finally! My owner comes. He'll notice me and pet me!
I walk into his room and jump on his bed."
WHACK!

"What did I do? Is he playing with me? His eyes don't seem like it. I try to run but he pulls me back my tail. I cry out."

WHACK!

"Why? This hurts!
Why is he hurting me?
My face, it hurts.
I must defend myself.
Yes, I must attack back."

WHACK!
"My mouth, my eyes. They hurt.
I need to hide.
Small space. Quick!
Safe for now.
Why?
Why would he start hurting me for?
I thought he loved me.
I must tell someone else that I'm being hit.
I look out at him.
Still there's anger in his eyes.
Maybe. Maybe I could cheer him up. I'll go to him.
I jump on his bed.
He just looks at me.
I'll try talking to him."

WHACK!
"I turn and jump. He barely touches me.
He yells my name. I stop to lay down in submission to him. I don't want him hurting me.
I need to leave this room. To get out. I walk to the door.
My name is called. I lay down.
After a little bit I get up again and scratch at the door.
WHACK!
I run to the corner.
He isn't moving.
Why is he looking at me like that?
He doesn't look as angry this time.
His eyes look a little sad.
I can't trust him. He'll hit me.
My ear hurts.
Is it damaged?
He grabs me.
I'm tense.
Prepare yourself.
He's petting me. Why?
I'm confused.
He hurts me and now he's petting me.
A trick.
He's touching my ear.
Please stop, it hurts.
You did this and now you want to see if I'm ok?
I need to get away.
Don't act like you care or look sad.
It's your fault. Let me out!
He reaches for the doorhandle.
I'm free?
This is my chance. I run for it.
The door closes behind me.
Help me! I've been hit!
They shush me.
Why?
Can't you see that I've been hit?
help.
Why do you say no again?
Am I not allowed to express myself?
I need shelter, a protector.
I need help"

"A righteous man cares for the needs of his animal, but the kindest acts of the wicked are cruel" Prov 12:10
"Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves,
for the rights of all who are destitute" Prov 31:8

Suddenly there were clouds

I seem to be growing. I feel and see it. So i must right? But i think i'm. ...I am stuck.

four months ago(oct) I was doing just fine. i was slowly growing and i got to minister to people at my old job. One day I quit. I believe He told me to. He must have because since i quit i've seen and felt myself growing even more. I've come to love Him more. backing up a bit, my job paid well. i could spend money and still have enough for rent and help out others if i needed to. fast forward to now, i can't afford anything but gas. that's only $35 to almost fill up my car. i haven't been able to pay rent or bills. i'm also behind on my loans. what was i going to do? ask for help? (O.O) you mean go from being able to hand out money to asking for it? ugh, that's a nightmare.
four months later, it still is. my old roommate,S, pointed out that i may have a pride problem.
as a Christian, aren't we supposed to be humble? we're supposed to share eachothers burdens. i'll lend you my ear and i'll let you listen only if you ask. that really is how it is with me. i do admit that i have a problem with pride. not so much with having money and being able to spend it but having to be helpless and breaking down to ask. to be meek, humble, sincere, whatever.
i'm living on my own with roommates, aren't i supposed to be able to take care of myself? i feel like one of those homeless people on the streets holding a sign up for money. they look sad, pathetic, helpless! sometimes i can't help but think that they put themselves there. did i put myself here? am i sad, pathetic, and helpless? maybe. how is it that they can stand on the street with a sign? do they not care about what others think of them? are they liars and only want money because they're on drugs? do i care too much about the situation that i'm in and about what others may think of me? i think that i am a homeless person on the street. i'm just not holding up a sign to show everyone. i'm struggling, isn't that ok? im not lying when i say that ive been seraching for a job. how do you know? how do i know that the homeless people aren't lying either?
i guess too many people have been deceitful and did what they could to get what they wanted. i am worried about people thinking that of me. if people don't know me they just very well might think that.
i don't want to be helpless!
i also know and came to realize this a few times that i need God. that i am helpless without Him. God provides. through other people. our family in Christ. of course i'd help someone just like me in a split second if a member of Gods family was in my shoes. i'm still scared to ask for help.
i guess money is a big issue for me because one of my brothers just kept asking for money and said that he'd pay whoever back but he never did. it'll be awhile before i could pay anyone back but i don't want to be compared to him.
maybe for people who have grown up Christian don't have money issues because they all realize and know that their money isn't theirs. that it's Gods money. He provided for them and they could make payments on time without having people call them.
i've always thought that i never wanted to be like, M. i never wanted to be behind on bills or anything. i never wanted to have a phone call from anyone saying that i'm in debt.
it's happened. my old thinking has come true. i still dont want it to happen but it will continue to happen until i do get caught up in everything.
so now what?
I trust. i have trust in God that He will provide for me again to be able to get caught up.
but what about now? my rent? i do have somone i could ask. but i'm scared. i don't think that my pride has been broken down just yet. S knows my situation and has already spoken about covering my rent once before but then my roommate covered for me. i said that i'd pay her back. it's like i cant accept money unless if i can pay them back. even if it takes a few years. again, i'm too proud to really admit that i'm helpless and that i need help.
do i just ask and practice humility? or do i break down my thoughts until i can come to terms and then ask?
how can i be so wiling to give money and be so kind hearted to someone else in my shoes but i have to think that i'm not good enough to be helped?
it sounds like a whole new issue. not good enough? let my thinking take me away....

More than just a saying?

You've heard the sayings 'Boys will be boys' or 'kids will be kids' or 'it's high school, it happens' But when do you consider it more than just a saying? The link below is a new cover about a school in Ohio where 4 teen students were bullied up until they committed suicide. Was that just a 'it's high school, it happens' situations? When will it become a serious matter to everyone to take notice and actually do something to help prevent it more?

Since the 1970s there has been a steady increase in suicide rates.
* For 10- to-14-year-old females, the rate increased from 0.54 per 100,000 in 2003 to 0.95 per 100,000 in 2004
* For 15-to-19 year-old females the rate increased from 2.66 to 3.52 per 100,000
* For 15-to-19 year-old males, the rate increased from 11.61 to 12.65 per 100,000
(Source Science Daily)

There is a fine line between 'being teenagers' and doing the adolescent picking on people and 'being bullies' But when does picking on become something more? I was picked on in high school myself but it wasn't enough for me to consider suicide because of them. Yes, at one point I did consider suicide. I'm glad that I didn't.

Let's start taking notice and jump in to do what we can to notice signs of depression and possible suicidal thoughts. Pay attention to what's going on at the teens school. If the school won't do anything, try getting to someone higher up. If you have kids of your own who do bully, get down to the why. Maybe they need help themselves. Maybe the laughter of their friends gives them too much of a boost so they continue the way they do. I believe that there should be some reality check for everyone. I'm not sure what will trigger in their minds, everyones minds to help them realize that what's going on is not right. Everyone needs a helping hand, let's stick out our own.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/39578548/ns/health-kids_and_parenting?GT1=43001